There’s the first, second, and third.. you have your baby, and then the fourth trimester
a full month where your body is in full swing of producing milk, uterus shrinking, blood capacity in your body returning to normal, hormones shifting and changing, hair loss, discovering the joy of your baby, navigating the waters of new motherhood, balancing the needs of yourself, your baby, your partner, and possibly your other children.
but then there’s the trimester after a loss
the unspoken trimester, unnamed, walked through by many but the territory is vast and expansive, personal and unique.
without a baby in arms, it’s easy to think that your body is normal
to forget that hormones are still different, that your body has just been pregnant, and now is no longer
that not only did your body change, but so did your heart, your dreams.
and so these things take time.
it’s kind of hard to remember when grief has all sorts of faces
when days are okay, and then suddenly you’re sucker punched and the breath is knocked out of you.
the babymoon of loss
a trimester of unkowns
key elements to a babymoon include
- privacy and nesting
- closeness and bonding
- being taken care of and served
- rest and healing
I am three weeks into my own yet unnamed ‘babymoon’
my intuition has guided me through this process
there are still days when I begin to judge where I am on this journey, more out of frustration. of being sick of being sad.
I suppose that’s just part of it too.
nesting and privacy has looked like calling on my sisters to surround me with love
closeness and bonding has looked like cuddling into the arms of my man. sharing openly with my kids, letting them join in with us as they wished in honouring and burying their little brother.
being honest with questions asked or statements made.
being taken care of and served has looked like love letters from friends, self care and indulgence in buying little things that feel good. taking remedies and supplements to support my body and soul, taking herb baths and lighting candles. creating ceremony daily.
rest and healing has looked like being kind to my body. not judging it’s extra softness here and there. it’s been tucking myself in for a nap midday when i have someone to mind the kids. it’s been writing
it’s been moving, dancing, hula hooping. yoga stretching.
it’s been deciding to claim this time for myself.
next month will be a month of love
reclaiming and re-awakening the relationship with self.
going slowly and tenderly
welcoming the light, and gardening with the moon.
Here’s to all mothers, wherever they are in the journey on their babymoon of loss.