The full moon he was born under, and named.
Six weeks since I buried him in the garden, I spent the week sobbing, in a sudden darkness and depression that wrapped it's way around me, strangling me, pulling me under. So confused as to why I was sinking deeper and deeper
...until the new moon
my first period to return on the very anniversary of digging a resting place beneath the apple tree.
I feel so full of a higher energy, mystical power, rhythm of the earth in how my cycle has found it's way into this pattern. Something in me has shifted, and it's huge, and I'm listening.
and so today, when I would have been 20 weeks pregnant... and I am no longer living in the 'would have beens'
because they aren't, I return my blood to the earth. and I feel the rhythm under my feet of life reawakening, from my bones and my flesh, from the roots under the soil. The snow that fell this morning and the blossoms that opened on the tree. I'm feeling it. I'm listening to it. giving thanks for it.